Have you ever had a question you just INSISTED be answered?  Maybe it was about why the horrible breakup happened, why your body or mind won’t stop hurting, why the job didn’t work out as planned, or a plethora of other life situations you want to understand.

Well…. I have.  Many times.

And with the question “WHhhhhYyyyy???” came a hypothesis or two.  Maybe, I figured, it was because it was all my fault anyway, life was just painful, other people would hurt me if I let them, or I didn’t deserve any better.  There are lots of wild thoughts that can run through our brains when we are focused on the why.  I’ve created quite a few doozies in my day…

Our imaginations begin to ping pong those ideas around in our heads.  Truly.  Those thoughts can rack up a high score on the toughest of internal pinball machines.  The game isn’t fun or entertaining though.  It’s agony.

I’ve tried to be a good student in life school with this concept and perhaps there are some reasons why the head games we play need to stop.  Maybe there are some valid reasons to stop needing to understand.

1 – There is no healing until the thoughts slow down.  Yep, you heard it right.  Think about the moment when your thoughts won’t stop and one question leads to another question.   As those thoughts move around so does your body’s response.  Anxiety rises, depression increases, anger blossoms, despair and hopelessness grow.  This is not the space where healing occurs.  We heal in a slower, softer, kinder, gentler place inside ourselves.

2 – The answer will never be sufficient for the question.  There are just some questions that can’t be answered. There will never ever be an answer that satisfies why someone hurt you, broke your heart, took advantage of you, didn’t stick around.  There is NOTHING that can be explained away to a shattered heart that makes that OK.  Answers like that don’t exist.

3 – I’m not ready for the answer.  Sometimes we can’t understand all the pieces in front of us because we couldn’t handle the answer if it showed up.  We may not be ready for the accountability piece, the very necessary part of healing where we don’t accept blame, but we do accept our own behavior – our part in this perfect storm.

4 – There is no way to understand all that may come later.  I’m not a big believer in “all things happen for a reason”, but I do know that just because life is a hot mess today doesn’t mean that it will be tomorrow.  And, I really really really believe that the toughest moments in life can teach us the greatest lessons.

5 – There is a different lesson I need to learn right now.  Here’s where you and I are powerful.  Really powerful.  What if the question doesn’t need to be the wailing “why” but rather “what can I learn about myself right now”?  When we move out of needing to understand events – the content of our life – and into our internal process…. well…. that’s an awesome place and it’s exactly where healing ignites and flames.

There is healing in your questions,

Rosemary

 

 

 

 

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