I was talking to a good friend the other day.  She’s going through an incredibly difficult time and her heart is hurting.  She told me “Rosemary, I don’t think I will ever be the same again!”.  My response:  “I hope not!”  (sounding less than empathetic)
Please allow me to explain…
It isn’t that I think my friend has some horrible flaws and needs changing.  She doesn’t have some awful personality traits that I’m hoping she will work out in the process of making sense of the mess she is in.  She really doesn’t have anything wrong that I want her to change in order to continue to love her with all my heart and hold her close in my tribe.
So what did I mean?
I believe crises in our lives are great, big, loud, clanging wake up calls.  Deepak Chopra has been credited with saying “all great change is preceded by crisis”.  Hear hear!  I agree!  What he is saying is that there are opportunities within the crisis.  Possibilities to become more, understand more, be more compassionate, love more, forgive more, accept more, to change what needs changing, to simply grow into a beautifully changed self.
I talk a lot about cultivating my tribe and I take this very very seriously.  My tribe members understand the birthing of a new self through chaos.  They have all been burned, sometimes scarred, sometimes wounded, and then always have become more whole.  They know wise concepts about loss and grief, heartbreak, anxiety, sadness, and the subsequent growth that can overcome their difficult times.  They are open to learning and growing, and are patient with the process in others.  They value the journey, honor what it takes to change, and easily share their compassion with others.
If I may say so…. they are a spectacular group of people.
And all of this…. this is my wish for my friend.  That she can stand in the fire, possibly be burned some, change what needs changing, accept what needs accepting, and come out on the other side a more beautiful soul than she ever imagined.  There’s always more than just the chaos.  There are real possibilities within it.

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